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Imagine if one day your husband drop the bomb, saying "Honey I have remarried. You have a 'honey' now". What would you feel? What would you feel?

Don't worry, my husband is still faithful as ever.

It just that I read a blog, a strong lady's blog, who her husband dah kawen lagi.

That was when I asked myself, how would I react if I have to face the same situation. Trying to put myself in her shoes, I have no idea how I would I react.

Will I go crazy? Running around amok with a parang? Or would I just cry, cry and cry? Will I continuosly cursed her' and ask for a divorce? Or will I cursed her but eventually resign to accept the fate?

IT IS SO HARD TO TELL.

I came from a broken family. My parents were divorced when I was big enough to accept and understand the situation. I was 14 years old. It was weird though, after 35 years of marriage (I roughly calculated) they finally had enough and decided not to spend the rest of their life together anymore. Anyway it has nothing to do with polygamy. 

I still believe in marriage. 

I still believe that everyone deserves a good spouse, a happy family, a good life. However, I also believe that sometimes God is just wanna test us. Kasi kita examination. Life kan macam sekolah. Indirectly.

Sebab tu aku pernah blogged pasal ni previously. Pasal how I believe that Allah is gonna test us. Different tests for different user. (Bunyi dah macam User Acceptance Test). Setiap orang Allah pasti bagi dugaan kan.

Aku harap Allah bagi aku test yang aku mampu handle. Pls pls pls let me get what I want.

I still remember the moment my father told me that they are gonna get divorced. I was on my bed that night. When he broke the news, I brought myself forward, almost hug him, but I did not. And I cried.

And neighbours and orang kampung started to shower me with questions and attentions. And I hate it. I don't need their sympathy.

AND WHY THE HELL DO I EVEN TELL YOU THIS?

Hahaha, it's an old story, really. It was 12 years ago. Does it (divorce) effects me? Not really. I was already 14 years old. I studied hard and I scored 8As in PMR. I studied hard and I scored only 5As in SPM. Not brilliant enough. Haha. I learned how to be independent. I bought my own bra when I was 14 (with my father's money of course). I survived, but I must admit I felt lonely at times. Feeling that no one is really care for me. And I decided that I am going to get married at a young age, let's say around 19.

But I did not find my Mr. Right at 19. Haha.

I started dating my husband in August or September 2008. I think he has eyed me for so long I never give him chance. He texted me when I was in 1st year in UKM, he was still in form 6 in year 2005. Sepuluh dia mesej, satu aku reply. Hihihi. Lima kali dia call, sekali je aku angkat. Hihi yes I filtered my call. When I found someone not in the same wavelength I wont be as interested.

Husband still occasionally texted me for the next 4 years.

When I was in my 3rd year in UKM, husband told me that his sister registered for an engineering course in UKM too. Planning to meet up but tak sempat. But honestly, I was just plain uninterested sebab I knew that dia mcm minat kat I. Malas nak kasi false hope :P

When I worked in Jusco Bukit Raja in 2007, husband called and telling me that he was there with his family, ajak jumpa but I was too tied up with works. Bila kerja dah abes, husband and family dah nak balik pulak. Kali ni bukan sebab mengelak tapi memang betul-betul tak sempat.

Mid year 2008, I received an SMS from husband telling me that he was bored and watched football game alone in a mamak, and invited me for a breakfast if I am free. Of course, i did not even reply. :P

August / September 2008, I was really fed up with a guy, and when husband asked whether I would want to go out tengok bola with him, I said yes. He picked me up from my house in Kg Baru, off we went to Bukit Jalil stadium. Lepas game, we went for a supper in Wangsa Maju. Masa keluar tu aku rasa comfortable dengan dia. Tak rasa awkward, mungkin sebab husband pun jenis friendly dan banyak cakap. And the rest, as they say, is history. 

Looking back, I know the reason why husband is after me non stop because I never respond. I perfectly understand how guys love to chase a girl. Easy girl tak best, huh? Yang susah nak dapat, yang sombong tak bagi respons tu lah yang diorang chase. Tapi in my case, husband tak chase me kow2, dia pun macam tenggelam timbul, tak merimaskan aku. 

And now we are married! Masa bercinta aku rasa susah sangat nak faham husband ni. Dia ni jenis one of a kind jugak la. Hahaha. Dia jenis ikut kepala sukahati dia. But I love him nonetheless. Bila dah kawen, sebab dah selalu sangat gaduh masa bercinta, entah kenapa dah tak gaduh. Mungkin sebab dah tau perangai masing-masing? So far aku bahagia sangat dengan husband. Dia husband yang perfect untuk aku. Husband yang boleh merendahkan egonya untuk melayani kerenah keras kepala aku. Husband yang rajin mengemas lebih rajin dari aku. Husband yang terbaik buat aku. Isk isk taip ni rasa nak nanges sebab terharu.

I love you, husband. Semoga ikatan ini berkekalan ke syurga. Semoga kita tabah menghadapi ujian mendatang.